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Ramblings of the depraved.....
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 6:59 am
1 comment , 94 Pending
Cherry Balsamic Pork Chops
Posted:Nov 28, 2021 4:05 pm
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2021 2:05 am
It's what's for dinner!

Being the scary untalented cook that I am....

I have to say, stumbling upon Hello Fresh has been an amazing turn of events. A coworker had told me that he and his wife were giving it a try and I thought to myself...

Self! This sound like EXACTLY what you need!

Step by step recipe cards.... All the ingredients.... Just the perfect amount of food for 2 people!

I've had a hard time cooking for just the Spawn and I. Either she doesn't like what I'm cooking or I cook way too much and it sits in the fridge until I have to throw it out.

Such a waste....

And the grocery shopping.

I hate grocery shopping.

It's only been my first week but, so far, I'm impressed.

The Spawn and I are cooking dinner together now! And eating together in the DINING ROOM!

Plus, I'm eating foods like this...

Here's proof that the impossible can indeed, be... Possible!

Happy Sunday!

Oh, and... Let's all just kind of sweep that cutting board incident under the carpet. Nothing to see here....

Especially not that hot pad I accidentally caught on fire too.
A New Thanksgiving
Posted:Nov 26, 2021 4:57 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2021 2:07 am

This was the first Thanksgiving..... the first MAJOR holiday for that matter, without the Mighty Marine.

There will be more....

This one was the hardest, thought.

My Oldest had called up around 2pm to ask if I could come get him from work. His employee had experienced car problems at the job site and that was their only vehicle.

Those of us who live paycheck to paycheck know that working holidays means a nice big check.

Holiday pay.... Time and a half....

Even with a family they are more than happy to work a half day if it means extra for Christmas.

So when the employee couldn't get his car started my had offered to let him take the company truck. He'll likely be using the truck until the vehicle gets fixed.

"Ma, can you come to the pit? One of the machines broke and [employee] and I had to get it going again for tomorrow. His truck took a shit and I gave him my truck."

I smiled.

This pretends to be rough and tough, but he hides a tender heart.

At 5pm we sat down to dinner and FaceTimed with the Mighty Marine.

Gone but not gone....

It was the first time my oldest had gotten the opportunity to actually FaceTime with his brother so I sat back and let them chat, and chat they did.

At 7:30 my oldest had said to his brother he had to go, the roads were getting bad and he was riding with me. He handed the phone over to the Spawn and he slipped into my utility room and started to tear up.

We all just miss our marine so very much.

That's the thing about family....

Each member has their own unique niche, their own spot that they fill. When that spot is empty, it leaves a void and we are all left with a piece missing from our soul.

Right now...

Right now it's still fresh. It's hard to experience big moments without the Mighty Marine. We look at his empty spot at the table and remember those times when he and his brother would argue over who was going to eat the rest of the cooked carrots because they both wanted them.

And we feel that void.

Technology is an amazing thing though.

With each holiday that passes.... With each big moment we encounter.... It gets just a little bit better.

What am I truly thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday?

I am truly thankful to have the most amazing family, my . My Oldest who hides a heart of gold. My Middle who is courageous and brave. My Spawn who is strong and independent.

To my readers, I hope you've found your reasons to be thankful for as well.

Happy Friday!
On Today's episode of 'Cooking with Secret_Lade'....
Posted:Nov 23, 2021 5:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2021 5:05 pm
Secret_lade and the Spawn are cooking in the kitchen.

"Mom!! You're on fire!!"

I had been chopping up green onions to be cooked with the ground pork and now held the cutting board above the pan of ground pork.

"What are you talking about?"

"Aaah! You're on fire!"

Glancing down, the rope on the handle of the cutting board was indeed on fire.

"Holy shit!"

Out of instinct, I immediately started blowing on the damn thing trying to blow it out.

"You're not going to blow it out Mom! Put it in the sink!!"

"Oh My God!"

Turning on the faucet, I held the rope the stream and let the fire go .

"Who does that?!? Who puts something like a flammable rope on a cooking tool???"

"Bed Bath and Beyond, that's who."

We both burst laughing, a tiny sizzle sound was now coming from the rope.

Nothing screams family bonding moment quite like green onions and kitchen fires!

A Self-Checkout Fantasy
Posted:Nov 22, 2021 11:37 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2021 5:19 pm

Wouldn't it be nice to just walk up to a self-checkout, scan your items without complication, chuck them into a bag, and for them in under five minutes?!?

Now.... That's LIVING!

In my world, waiting in line at the self-checkouts turns into a reunion of sorts every time.

Never fails.

Take for instance, yesterday....

"Hey, fancy meeting you here."

I glance up to see a coworker who I never talk to and rarely ever see. Yet, here he is, sidling up to to chat at the self-checkout.

And there I am, standing there, holding a box of tampons, a box of pads, a makeup compact, and a Slim Jim.


"Hi. Had to pick up a few things after work."

Dear God.... Please let this guy just go away.


Glancing down at all the stuff in my arms, I could see his eyes moving back and forth as he started to read the words on the box of pads in my left arm.


"Oh, I'm up. It was good talking to you! I'll see you at work."


I was already speeding up to the finally open self-checkout, I couldn't be more uncomfortable if I'd shown up for school naked and without my homework.

I can't believe he read the box....

Happy Tuesday!!
Mother - Spawn Bonding Moments
Posted:Nov 21, 2021 2:30 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2021 1:15 am

"Let me do your eyelashes!" she says.

"I'll make them perfect!" she says.

"Trust me!"

Yah.... Never trust the word of a person says 'trust me'.

Here I sit, thirty minutes later, with my eyelids glued open and liquid eyeliner everywhere but on my eyelid.


Yep, they're dangling somewhere in between the crease of my eye and the lash line.

"Oh my God, Mom, I can't even at you!"

Peels of laughter coming from the kitchen, the Spawn is dancing her way past me go into the utility room.

"What's that?? Having a tough time eyeballing your own handiwork??"

I'm laughing now, too. I tried to blink...

The fake lash on my right eye is now connected to my eyebrow as well.

Happy Sunday!
Today's the day!
Posted:Nov 20, 2021 5:39 am
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2021 3:56 pm

Happy Birthday Mighty Marine!!

May 19 be your best year yet....

Y'all know it was the Spawn's birthday yesterday, she's such a hard girl to shop for! Somehow I managed to pull it all off, though, even getting a hand-clenched squeal of glee out of her on not one but TWO moments.

Moment One: Fake lashes and nude palette make up kit in birthday bag.

Moment Two: Ulta card in birthday card.

We'd gone out for her birthday meal of choice, Taco Bell, and had sit down to eat when the Mighty Marine called on Facetime to wish his sister a happy birthday.

There just really isn't anything quite like having a hard shell taco fall apart in your hands when you take the first bite while talking to someone on Facetime. Even better, watching it all happen in the moment on the tiny little window in the corner of the screen.


"Ma, you still got a tomato by your neck."

Not the most hilarious of comments, but I think we all laughed for a good ten minutes when he'd said this. I flicked it off only to have someone immediately walk past me and watch it land on their arm.

The Spawn whispered 'oh my God mom' into my ear and we laughed even harder.

I had been so worried about the Mighty Marine not being present in this years birthday festivities.... Yet there he was, witnessing it all.

Gone but not gone.

And now his birthday is today!

The Mighty Marine is a mighty 19!!

He will be Facetiming again, later today, so we can share a moment on his birthday as well. I think this time we'll pull out the party hats and noise makers....

Happy Birthday to my Mighty Marine!
How was my day?
Posted:Nov 18, 2021 4:11 pm
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2021 11:43 pm

Well, let me tell you!

I was two hours and three minutes into my shift today when one of the leaders turned to me, in the 9 o'clock meeting, to tell me my shirt was inside out.

Yah, that felt awesome.

You know what the worst part of this whole scenario was?

I was wearing a button down shirt.


How I managed to pull that off without noticing a thing is a complete fucking mystery to me.

Apparently I was Houdini in a former life...

I know that my mind has been preoccupied all this week, with the Spawn's birthday tomorrow and my Mighty Marine's birthday on Saturday.... But, really?!?


I can't wait to see what fresh horror I walk myself into tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

Happy Thursday!
And what to my wandering eyes did appear?
Posted:Nov 17, 2021 3:43 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2021 9:16 pm

A skunk and a deer, trotting side by side down the road, on my way work this morning.

Just when I thought I'd seen all....

I discover, I not!

I'd never actually seen a skunk running before this morning, was a sight see. Are they always that awkward and clumsy looking trudging along down the road?

And, what's up with that deer?!?

I could smell that skunk from inside my car cruising past them doing 45 mph.

I be honest.... I still find this country life pretty amazing.

the reader told me to watch out for skunks....

You were right! They are out here!

Happy Wednesday!
Let's play a little game!
Posted:Nov 15, 2021 11:59 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2021 2:15 am

We'll call it....

Is this comment 'Work Appropriate'?

We're doing a little holiday raffle at the store. Employees fill out a card with their name, department, and favorite Thanksgiving tradition / food / activity to give to me for entry.

Easy peasy.... Right???

As I was posting the flyers, I was also letting the employees know as I passed them throughout the store.

People get excited when you're excited, even if it's for something simple like a Thanksgiving Raffle where you might win a turkey or pumpkin pie.

Leave it to the Brand New Guy who was in my orientation last week to make it awkward and uncomfortable.

"Whatcha posting?"

"We're doing a Thanksgiving Raffle! To enter, you just turn in your name, department, and favorite Thanksgiving holiday tradition, food, or activity for a raffle ticket!"

"What if my favorite Thanksgiving activity is sex? Can I turn that in?"


By now he was standing right next to me reading off the posting in my hand. I think I've found this week's 'Douche Bag of the Week'....

"No, no you may not."

I'd turned on my heel and was making my quick escape when he called out behind me...

"But that's my favorite Thanksgiving Day activity."

"Not if you want to keep working here if your name is drawn and [Boss #2] reads your entry aloud."

Yah, I walked away from that conversation feeling sketched out and sexually harassed. Not going to lie, definitely don't like the Brand New Guy now.

Who does something like that on their third day of employment??

This week's Douche Bag of the Week, that's who!


Happy Tuesday!
You know it's been a rough weekend when....
Posted:Nov 14, 2021 7:28 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2021 11:22 pm

The sight of your Sunday morning face startles you when you look in the mirror.

Holy shit!

I'd been feeling half-assed sick since I got my COVID booster and Flu shot last Monday, add that sleepless nights and depression, and you get sick...

Very sick!

I was on my way home from work on Friday and I could think of was getting home, crawling into bed, and falling asleep.

Which is exactly what I did.

I didn't wake until sometime around Midnight when the furnace had kicked off and the heat ducts under the house started crashing and banging around like there was a caged animal under there.

I've gotten used this sound, it's become part of the norm for me.

Furnace kicks off, bangs from the duct work, and is well until the next time it kicks in.

The Tilly Cat had been napping my feet at the end of the bed when she heard stir. Springing life, she did her usual half-meow and sauntered my head and licked my forehead a little.

I wound sleeping off and most of the day Saturday, as well.

So today when I was finally feeling like a normal human being again, I decided to get , make some coffee, and have a normal day.

That first sight of me though....

It was the stuff of nightmares I tell you.

Greasy hair standing end, shirt gross and oddly discolored where I'd probably sweated at some point while I was sleeping, sweatpants twisted around....

I had look away and shield my eyes from the sight of myself it was so bad.

" My God!"

It's moments like those when I'm thankful I live alone!

Happy Sunday!
Just when you think it's ok....
Posted:Nov 12, 2021 1:41 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 3:09 pm

It's not.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me.

The Mighty Marine is an active service member, so he is not a veteran yet, but so many people approached me at work yesterday to extend their thanks to him and asked me to pass along their well wishes......

I felt so much pride in him.

There were a couple of times when I felt myself starting to get emotional, but I held it in and kept it cool.

Until I got home, that is.

I spied the Bunny hopping out from behind my shed to say 'Hi' and I lost it.

The rain had started coming down hard and so did the tears. I cried in my car for at least a good five minutes before heading into the house....

I didn't want the Spawn to know I'd cried.

Tilly Cat was at the door waiting, rubbing against my ankles as I hung up my coat, and I couldn't help thinking about how she had waited for days for the Mighty Marine to come home when he had left.

Again I started to cry.

"[Mighty Marine] said not to cry."

"Aaah! You scared me! Why are you texting your brother about this? I just got home."

My phone dinged at this point, it was a message from the Mighty Marine. He said....

Don't worry Ma, I'll call you tomorrow.

It warms my heart to know, even when he's hundreds of miles away, we're all still this close.

I do miss that so much.... And even though most days are good days now, I still miss my little Traveling Trio.

Middle , Spawn, Me

I can't imagine what I'm going to be like next week on his birthday.... It will be the first birthday in 19 years that I didn't get to spend with him.

Wish me luck!
And the winner of the Douche Bag of the Week Award goes to....
Posted:Nov 11, 2021 2:59 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2021 8:35 am

Jerry Wingo!

Congratulations, Jerry, for passing me in your giant black truck on Alba Highway doing about 80 mph with your name, business, and phone number plastered all over that thing!!

Oh.... Wait.... What's that??? You have to turn now, a quarter of a mile down the road from where you passed me at???

Even better!

Your reckless passing inadvertently threw a stone up behind you, hitting my windshield, knocking out a huge hunk of the glass.


You've accomplished a nearly impossible feat, you careless fucktard....

I now have a name and phone number to turn in for my insurance claim.


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